[ Wei Wuxian will shift when Lan Wangji leans back again so the rabbit can sit comfortably between them but he can still curl against Lan Wangji's chest with his head on his shoulder. He'll softly pet the rabbit as it settles in the spot on their lap, letting the soft fur help him calm down just a bit. ]
Yeah... I know it's possible, but there's no instructions on how other than to participate in the game.
[ Have a bunch of sex with a lot of people, and you will one day be rewarded by an upgrade. Those are the guidelines Wei Wuxian has been given, which is why he's trying his best to do it. He wants them to be comfortable.
A sigh here and he closes his eyes, tilting his head upward to press his nose against Lan Wangji's throat. ]
When we go back home, I know you have to go back to Gusu but...
[ He should have expected that and he grimaces slightly as Lan Wangji encourages him to say what's on his mind. It's so embarrassing though, his fantasy, the things he wishes between them. What if Lan Wangji doesn't want that? What if he thinks Wei Wuxian is being silly?
Aghhhh. ]
I — sometimes I have these dreams...
[ He sounds so uncharacteristically nervous as he starts to explain himself. He looks down at the rabbit, fingers hesitating in their petting as he tries to find his words. ]
It's just, living with you lately has reminded me... It would be nice if that could — if we could — ahhh...
[ Get to the point, Wei Wuxian!! ]
Wh—what if we got a plot of land somewhere? And just... had a little farm. The two of us. And Little Apple! Maybe.
[ Oh, he just wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole, thanks. ]
[ Wei Ying has been thinking of them living together? Farming? Dreaming of it, or something similar?
He doesn't answer, only taking a few steady breaths, and it goes on for just long enough that it could be misinterpreted as Lan Wangji attempting to find the words to let him down gently, but it isn't that at all. He's already considering the logistics of it, where they could end up, balancing the responsibilities of being a Chief Cultivator and helping take care of his sect in his brother's self-inflicted seclusion, but ultimately it doesn't matter right now because this will happen.]
Efficient farmers begin at daybreak.
[ Wei Ying wanting to commit to being up mao shi every day? Be still he beating heart. ]
[ Wei Wuxian absolutely takes the silence as Lan Wangji trying to think of how to let him down gently. He panics a little, heartbeat speeding up and mortification rising. He didn't want to admit this, didn't want to be so vulnerable — but then again, if he can't be vulnerable with Lan Wangji, who can he be vulnerable with? He closes his eyes, trying to steady his own breathing as he braces himself for the rejection.
The rejection that does not come. Instead, there is Lan Wangji's voice, teasing him lightly and he's so surprised by it that he lets out a laugh, shocked.
He'll pull back his head to look up at Lan Wangji, to meet his eyes and smile, a little wobbly. ]
... Ah, well, maybe we can trade off duties?
[ Lan Wangji in the morning, Wei Wuxian does everything in the afternoon— ]
[ At least the straight face doesn't give away the mild panic within— is he submitting himself to a lifetime of overly spiced rice bowls?? ....He would do it, though. Hidden away on a quiet piece of land with the donkey, night hunting from time to time, just the two of them.
He looks up at last from the little spot over Wei Wuxian's shoulder where he had been staring to finally make eye contact, lips parting as he stares intently, as if he has more he wants to say....
But it doesnt come and his mouth closes, lips pressed together until he does finally speak. Not about how he really feels about it, the idea- the dream- of spending a life with awei Ying amd only Wei Ying, but instead something more practical. ]
I do not intend to do it forever. Chief Cultivator. It was necessary, but not desired.
[ He cannot run off to their honeymoon farm yet, even if he wants to. ]
[ The reply to that comes easily, excited even — ]
Of course!
[ Being able to cook for Lan Wangji would be such a dream. Waking up every day next to each other, cooking for each other, working the farm together, night hunting together. It would be a dream come true for Wei Wuxian and he knows it's such a silly desire, wanting to settle in one place and just have Lan Wangji at his side but... god, how he wants it.
When Lan Wangji lifts his head to look at Wei Wuxian, Wei Wuxian can only stare back, curiosity on his face as he waits for whatever it is that Lan Wangji wants to say. He can tell that he's thinking about it, about to speak before... he withdraws and doesn't say anything. It leaves Wei Wuxian puzzled. What could be on his mind?
But then he is speaking and Wei Wuxian decides this must be what he wanted to say, struggling to admit maybe. It would be a rejection of cultivation society in a way to admit that he didn't want the role, and Wei Wuxian can understand the difficulty behind putting words to that.
He always wondered why Lan Wangji accepted it. He was never one for politics. But he must have felt he had to, on some level. After everything with Jin Guangyao, he knows people craved the stability that would come from a Lan and Lan Xichen was indisposed so... Hm. ]
Yeah? [ Something giddy rises in him at that. ] And then you'll come back to me?
[ He finds someone right for the role, someone who could properly be the Chief Cultivator and give their time and energy to cultivation society. And then... then his life is his own again, and he is free to spend it wandering the countryside with Wei Wuxian again. ]
[ They never talked about it when it happened. How he stood there on that dirt track and looked Wei Wuxian in his watery eyes and announced that he would be staying. Not because he wanted to, but because he had to. A void in power and influence needed to be filled by someone who would not abuse it, who could actually provide guidance and support and be on the side of justice as they had once promised.
It really only left the Lan, but with Xichen broken by betrayal, he had no choice but to step into his place, to take on responsibility in his stead as duty and filial piety required it of him.
Of course Lan Wangji never talked about it, he never does, always acting on things yet rarely speaking a word of as to why, but perhaps because of their time spent here and the new type of closeness they share, the thought of mentioning it is not as absurd as it once was. ]
It was necessary. After Jin Guangyao, Jin Guangshang, the Chief Cultivator could not be a Jin. Nie Huaisang lacks both clan and public confidence, nor did he volunteer. Jiang Wanyin is Jiang Wanyin. Was assumed that Xiongzhang would assume the role.
[ Yet he remains in his self-imposed seclusion, for the foreseeable future. Wei Wuxian knows well enough the burden of duty to your family and your clan, how even if he wasn't asked to do it, Lan Wangji would have offered because that is what is expected of him, what is owed to the Lan.]
[ It was what was expected and honestly, Wei Wuxian knows that. Of the options available, there were so few that felt like they could assume the position and as Lan Wangji lays it out, Wei Wuxian nods his head and breathes out slowly, knowing the truth of his words even if he doesn't want them to be. There was no other option, other than to leave the power vacuum open. But there needs to be a Chief Cultivator, right? ... Right?
Of course, only Wei Wuxian would have that thought, his opinion of cultivation society is mixed and mostly negative. Maybe they would do well without a focal point of power for a bit, until they got their own affairs sorted and could be trusted to uplift someone into that position once again. That's his opinion on it, at least.
But no, Lan Wangji did the right thing by taking up the title. Even if it meant he could not be at Wei Wuxian's side any longer. It was upsetting, it's still upsetting, and all these months they've had together at the Golden Peacock has just made Wei Wuxian even more unhappy with not having Lan Wangji at his side back home.
If only Lan Xichen were able to take it up properly... ]
I understand. It makes sense, really. You were the only one who could at the time.
[ He goes quiet then, thinking. How in the world will they get Lan Wangji out of this role? ]
I will wait for you. When you're ready, I'll be there.
[ Too much of the future is unknown, but they have to believe that some memory of their time here in this resort will stay with them. The added closeness they have enjoyed, the conversations such as this which have aided in bridging that chasm of misunderstanding and miscommunication which still exists between them.
It would be enjoyable, he can admit to himself, to return and vacate the seat for someone else, someone who is worthy and wants it, allowing him to travel with Wei Ying. Just the two of them going to where the chaos is, and perhaps on the way they would find a nice, quiet place to settle down, just the two of them. But until then.. ]
Until then, you are welcome in Cloud Recesses whenever you desire.
[ Come back to Gusu he wants to say, but won't. It must be Wei Ying's choice, and not a request fulfilled.
Then, after a moment's hesitation:]
...The Jingshi has ample space.
[ Normal people would offer up a guesthouse or something, but when has their relationship ever been a normal one? As open to interpretation as the offer is, Lan Wangji hopes it is one Wei Wuxian will consider, much like their current arrangement now. Alright, so perhaps the frequent sex is wishful thinking, and they could move a second bed in there easily enough, but his soulmate possess his own room here in the resort yet seems quite content to cuddle up with him in his tiny bed instead, and it is something that Lan Wangji has taken quite the liking to, so would it be too much of a stretch to consider the same arrangement at home? ]
[ Wei Wuxian fully believes he'll remember his stay here. He has to, right? He has to because the people he met here, the things he's discovered, and... and the closeness he's shared with Lan Wangji. These are all things he refuses to give up, not now, not ever. He has wanted this for so long, this type of easy life with Lan Wangji at his side, no forces bringing them together beyond their own enjoyment of each other's company, no obligations dragging them away from each other as well. He wants, so desperately, to be by Lan Wangji's side until they grow old and frail and their golden cores no longer sustain them.
And then he wants to do it again, in the next life.
So, maybe that's why when Lan Wangji offers his home in Gusu for him to stay in, Wei Wuxian does not balk and feel it is a trap of some kind. He doesn't feel any apprehension there. No, he only imagines them continuing on like now, sleeping curled up together in their bed, waking alongside each other, eating their meals together, so on and so forth. He wants that. He wants Lan Wangji. ]
Okay.
[ He keeps Lan Wangji's gaze, a small smile on his face as he agrees. ]
As long as you'll have me.
[ And he leans in, sweet as can be, and kisses Lan Wangji. Idly, in this back of his mind, he can't help but think — this feels like a proposal. Hahaha, but, that would be silly, no? ]
[ As long as you'll have me, he says, unknowing of how much of a commitment that would be. Together until they are wrinkled and grey, death and rebirth, and even then Lan Wangji would not tire of being at Wei Wuxian's side, the only future wanted being one such as this, with bodies, hearts, fates intertwined.
Arms drape around his soulmate's hips, unwilling to part as they share in what can only be described as a sentimental kiss, his words spoken all quiet and soft between the offerings of simple, light pecks to waiting lips. ]
You may tire of it, before then.
[ Because there will be no end to Lan Wangji's desire of it. ]
[ It's this closeness that he can't give up. This security. He curls closer as Lan Wangji's arms encircle his hips and they've still got the rabbit tucked against them as well but it's not too in the way. Not in the way enough to stop Wei Wuxian from looping his own arms around Lan Wangji's shoulders and resting his forehead against his. ]
Haaaa. I don't really care about where I am though. I only really care that I'm with you, you know?
[ So, be it the Jingshi. Or Golden Peacock. Or wherever else they land up. As long as he's with Lan Wangji, he's happy. ]
[ The two of them. Together. It's all that Lan Wangji wants, more than anything, and to have Wei Wuxian say the same, that soft smile on his face as they cling to one another, it makes certain words threaten to bubble up and spill from his mouth. Secrets of the heart, the things he yearns for, wants, loves, adores.
Once spoken they could never be taken back, never forgotten, thus he steels himself, declares to never utter it, but in moments such as this when it seems like Wei Ying wants the very same..
His eyes fall closed as their foreheads press together and he holds on tighter— clings even— sorry little rabbit, but you're probably beginning to feel a little squished. ]
Then let us remain together. Here. Gusu. Yunmeng. Wherever it may be.
[ If only he could say those words, the words that they both feel, that he knows to be true but just can't quite let himself believe it or admit it. If only he could just cross that one last barrier between them, but he can't, because what if it all falls apart when he does?
Because he wants the same. He wants it so badly, so desperately, that it's hard to even breathe around it sometimes. He just wants Lan Wangji, however he can have him, no matter how long he can keep him. He wants him in this life and the next and the next and the next...
As their foreheads press together, Wei Wuxian feels his eyes grow a little warm with emotion and he breathes in heavily to keep himself in check. His arms wrap tightly around Lan Wangji and he hugs him, trying to convey his emotion in the hug. Of course, in the process, the rabbit wiggles out from between them and hops out of their lap onto the grass again. It gets a watery chuckle from Wei Wuxian but he only presses closer instead. ]
Thank you, Lan Zhan.
[ There's no room for thank yous or apologies between them but it's covering up what he really wants to say, which is I love you, of course. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yeah... I know it's possible, but there's no instructions on how other than to participate in the game.
[ Have a bunch of sex with a lot of people, and you will one day be rewarded by an upgrade. Those are the guidelines Wei Wuxian has been given, which is why he's trying his best to do it. He wants them to be comfortable.
A sigh here and he closes his eyes, tilting his head upward to press his nose against Lan Wangji's throat. ]
When we go back home, I know you have to go back to Gusu but...
[ . . . ]
No, nevermind. Ignore me.
no subject
but......
.....but???
Lan Wangji waits in silence, almost as still as the trunk of the tree they rest against as he waits for the rest of that sentence that never comes. ]
...You have something on your mind. Speak it. You need not silence yourself before me.
[ Tell me. ]
no subject
Aghhhh. ]
I — sometimes I have these dreams...
[ He sounds so uncharacteristically nervous as he starts to explain himself. He looks down at the rabbit, fingers hesitating in their petting as he tries to find his words. ]
It's just, living with you lately has reminded me... It would be nice if that could — if we could — ahhh...
[ Get to the point, Wei Wuxian!! ]
Wh—what if we got a plot of land somewhere? And just... had a little farm. The two of us. And Little Apple! Maybe.
[ Oh, he just wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole, thanks. ]
no subject
[ Wei Ying has been thinking of them living together? Farming? Dreaming of it, or something similar?
He doesn't answer, only taking a few steady breaths, and it goes on for just long enough that it could be misinterpreted as Lan Wangji attempting to find the words to let him down gently, but it isn't that at all. He's already considering the logistics of it, where they could end up, balancing the responsibilities of being a Chief Cultivator and helping take care of his sect in his brother's self-inflicted seclusion, but ultimately it doesn't matter right now because this will happen.]
Efficient farmers begin at daybreak.
[ Wei Ying wanting to commit to being up mao shi every day? Be still he beating heart. ]
no subject
The rejection that does not come. Instead, there is Lan Wangji's voice, teasing him lightly and he's so surprised by it that he lets out a laugh, shocked.
He'll pull back his head to look up at Lan Wangji, to meet his eyes and smile, a little wobbly. ]
... Ah, well, maybe we can trade off duties?
[ Lan Wangji in the morning, Wei Wuxian does everything in the afternoon— ]
no subject
[ At least the straight face doesn't give away the mild panic within— is he submitting himself to a lifetime of overly spiced rice bowls?? ....He would do it, though. Hidden away on a quiet piece of land with the donkey, night hunting from time to time, just the two of them.
He looks up at last from the little spot over Wei Wuxian's shoulder where he had been staring to finally make eye contact, lips parting as he stares intently, as if he has more he wants to say....
But it doesnt come and his mouth closes, lips pressed together until he does finally speak. Not about how he really feels about it, the idea- the dream- of spending a life with awei Ying amd only Wei Ying, but instead something more practical. ]
I do not intend to do it forever. Chief Cultivator. It was necessary, but not desired.
[ He cannot run off to their honeymoon farm yet, even if he wants to. ]
no subject
Of course!
[ Being able to cook for Lan Wangji would be such a dream. Waking up every day next to each other, cooking for each other, working the farm together, night hunting together. It would be a dream come true for Wei Wuxian and he knows it's such a silly desire, wanting to settle in one place and just have Lan Wangji at his side but... god, how he wants it.
When Lan Wangji lifts his head to look at Wei Wuxian, Wei Wuxian can only stare back, curiosity on his face as he waits for whatever it is that Lan Wangji wants to say. He can tell that he's thinking about it, about to speak before... he withdraws and doesn't say anything. It leaves Wei Wuxian puzzled. What could be on his mind?
But then he is speaking and Wei Wuxian decides this must be what he wanted to say, struggling to admit maybe. It would be a rejection of cultivation society in a way to admit that he didn't want the role, and Wei Wuxian can understand the difficulty behind putting words to that.
He always wondered why Lan Wangji accepted it. He was never one for politics. But he must have felt he had to, on some level. After everything with Jin Guangyao, he knows people craved the stability that would come from a Lan and Lan Xichen was indisposed so... Hm. ]
Yeah? [ Something giddy rises in him at that. ] And then you'll come back to me?
[ He finds someone right for the role, someone who could properly be the Chief Cultivator and give their time and energy to cultivation society. And then... then his life is his own again, and he is free to spend it wandering the countryside with Wei Wuxian again. ]
no subject
It really only left the Lan, but with Xichen broken by betrayal, he had no choice but to step into his place, to take on responsibility in his stead as duty and filial piety required it of him.
Of course Lan Wangji never talked about it, he never does, always acting on things yet rarely speaking a word of as to why, but perhaps because of their time spent here and the new type of closeness they share, the thought of mentioning it is not as absurd as it once was. ]
It was necessary. After Jin Guangyao, Jin Guangshang, the Chief Cultivator could not be a Jin. Nie Huaisang lacks both clan and public confidence, nor did he volunteer. Jiang Wanyin is Jiang Wanyin. Was assumed that Xiongzhang would assume the role.
[ Yet he remains in his self-imposed seclusion, for the foreseeable future. Wei Wuxian knows well enough the burden of duty to your family and your clan, how even if he wasn't asked to do it, Lan Wangji would have offered because that is what is expected of him, what is owed to the Lan.]
no subject
Of course, only Wei Wuxian would have that thought, his opinion of cultivation society is mixed and mostly negative. Maybe they would do well without a focal point of power for a bit, until they got their own affairs sorted and could be trusted to uplift someone into that position once again. That's his opinion on it, at least.
But no, Lan Wangji did the right thing by taking up the title. Even if it meant he could not be at Wei Wuxian's side any longer. It was upsetting, it's still upsetting, and all these months they've had together at the Golden Peacock has just made Wei Wuxian even more unhappy with not having Lan Wangji at his side back home.
If only Lan Xichen were able to take it up properly... ]
I understand. It makes sense, really. You were the only one who could at the time.
[ He goes quiet then, thinking. How in the world will they get Lan Wangji out of this role? ]
I will wait for you. When you're ready, I'll be there.
no subject
It would be enjoyable, he can admit to himself, to return and vacate the seat for someone else, someone who is worthy and wants it, allowing him to travel with Wei Ying. Just the two of them going to where the chaos is, and perhaps on the way they would find a nice, quiet place to settle down, just the two of them. But until then.. ]
Until then, you are welcome in Cloud Recesses whenever you desire.
[ Come back to Gusu he wants to say, but won't. It must be Wei Ying's choice, and not a request fulfilled.
Then, after a moment's hesitation:]
...The Jingshi has ample space.
[ Normal people would offer up a guesthouse or something, but when has their relationship ever been a normal one? As open to interpretation as the offer is, Lan Wangji hopes it is one Wei Wuxian will consider, much like their current arrangement now. Alright, so perhaps the frequent sex is wishful thinking, and they could move a second bed in there easily enough, but his soulmate possess his own room here in the resort yet seems quite content to cuddle up with him in his tiny bed instead, and it is something that Lan Wangji has taken quite the liking to, so would it be too much of a stretch to consider the same arrangement at home? ]
no subject
And then he wants to do it again, in the next life.
So, maybe that's why when Lan Wangji offers his home in Gusu for him to stay in, Wei Wuxian does not balk and feel it is a trap of some kind. He doesn't feel any apprehension there. No, he only imagines them continuing on like now, sleeping curled up together in their bed, waking alongside each other, eating their meals together, so on and so forth. He wants that. He wants Lan Wangji. ]
Okay.
[ He keeps Lan Wangji's gaze, a small smile on his face as he agrees. ]
As long as you'll have me.
[ And he leans in, sweet as can be, and kisses Lan Wangji. Idly, in this back of his mind, he can't help but think — this feels like a proposal. Hahaha, but, that would be silly, no? ]
no subject
Arms drape around his soulmate's hips, unwilling to part as they share in what can only be described as a sentimental kiss, his words spoken all quiet and soft between the offerings of simple, light pecks to waiting lips. ]
You may tire of it, before then.
[ Because there will be no end to Lan Wangji's desire of it. ]
no subject
Haaaa. I don't really care about where I am though. I only really care that I'm with you, you know?
[ So, be it the Jingshi. Or Golden Peacock. Or wherever else they land up. As long as he's with Lan Wangji, he's happy. ]
no subject
Once spoken they could never be taken back, never forgotten, thus he steels himself, declares to never utter it, but in moments such as this when it seems like Wei Ying wants the very same..
His eyes fall closed as their foreheads press together and he holds on tighter— clings even— sorry little rabbit, but you're probably beginning to feel a little squished. ]
Then let us remain together. Here. Gusu. Yunmeng. Wherever it may be.
no subject
Because he wants the same. He wants it so badly, so desperately, that it's hard to even breathe around it sometimes. He just wants Lan Wangji, however he can have him, no matter how long he can keep him. He wants him in this life and the next and the next and the next...
As their foreheads press together, Wei Wuxian feels his eyes grow a little warm with emotion and he breathes in heavily to keep himself in check. His arms wrap tightly around Lan Wangji and he hugs him, trying to convey his emotion in the hug. Of course, in the process, the rabbit wiggles out from between them and hops out of their lap onto the grass again. It gets a watery chuckle from Wei Wuxian but he only presses closer instead. ]
Thank you, Lan Zhan.
[ There's no room for thank yous or apologies between them but it's covering up what he really wants to say, which is I love you, of course. ]